This is the seventh in a series of blog posts called, “My Top Ten Mistakes in Ministry (That I Can Share Publicly.)” After many years of ministry experience as a church planter, pastor and seminary professor, I think I’ve finally learned that one of the best kept secrets to surviving well in the ministry is to stop making the same old mistakes that others (like me) have been making for decades. Instead, let’s all start making some brand new, bold, innovative and creative mistakes!

We began this series with an introduction called, “Ladies First” in which veteran church planter wife, Shari Thomas, addressed the tough topic, What I Wish I Had Known About Church Planting from the perspective of the church planter’s/pastor’s spouse. We then took a look at:

Mistake #1 (these are in no intentional order), “Failing to Understand the Importance of How I Define Ministry Success.”

Mistake #2 Managing My Time and Not Managing My Life

Mistake #3: Not Understanding the Difference Between my Goals and Desires.

Mistake #4: Not Understanding the Difference Between Pursuing the Grace of God and the God of Grace.

Mistake #5: Not Understanding the Way Up is the Way Down

Mistake #6: Not Understanding the Priority of People Over Programs

Mistake #7: Not Understanding Product Living VS Process Living

I have to confess that I belong to what Pastor Mark Buchanan calls the Cult of the Next Thing. Buchanan writes, “It is dangerously easy to get enlisted. It happens by default–not by choosing the cult but by failing to resist it. It is dangerously easy to get enlisted. It happens by default–not by choosing the cult but by failing to resist it.”

For me the Cult of the Next Thing is sinful discontentment cast in religious terms.  It has its own sacred terms like: our ministry vision, our mission, our goals, our objectives. Please don’t misunderstand, these are good things, but we begin to believe that we can’t ever really be happy until we get them.

This Cult also has its own Mantras we church planter types often quote: I’ll be happy when we have a certain number of people in worship every Sunday. Or I’ll be happy when we are self-supporting financially as a church. Or I’ll be happy when we are self-governing with our own elders or deacons. I’ll be happy when I’ve been able to pass this baton (you name it) to another leader. I’ll be happy when I’m not sick anymore…when the kids are older…when the kids are gone….

And this Cult has its own shrines in other ministries that are doing better than ours.  And it has its own ecstatic experiences: those fleeting moments when you finally reach a goal you’ve been living for and looking to for so long. It feels great. But like sand through your fingers it ever so quickly slips away from you. So then you must look ahead to the next experience.

Author Isaac Rubin writes, “The joy and happiness from the process lasts much longer and can be much more satisfying over the duration of your life. But if you are totally goal-oriented in a success-oriented culture, and if the product is the only goal, you will destroy much of the possibility for true joy and happiness in life. That is because almost all of your life has to be the process and not the product. If you can’t learn to appreciate and enjoy the process of living itself, there goes your joy in life.

If you get nothing out of the doing, because you are always looking for the high that will come at the end, you’re in serious trouble. But if you learn to be nourished by the whole process, that result at the end of the road, positive or negative, is not terribly significant. You just go on to the next process. You must learn to understand and appreciate “Process Living” because the process is really what life is all about. We are in process 98 % of the time. If you are living for that final 2%, you’re in trouble. And the truth is most of us are in serious trouble.”

The story is told when Alexander the Great conquered the entire known world, he wept because there were no more worlds for him to conquer. The opiate of winning the next battle was now gone and he was left trembling in withdrawal, unable to live and love life in the present.

Elizabeth Elliot summed it up well, “ Don’t let your living for tomorrow slay your living for today.” If you’re not very careful you will always be living for tomorrow and find yourself being robbed of all of your todays. I wish someone had talked straight to me about that common and so costly mistake in life and ministry.

Steve Childers is the President & CEO of Global Church Advancement, an inter-denominational ministry that provides church planting training, consultations, and resources for church planters, pastors and missionaries throughout the world. Steve has trained Christian leaders from more than 50 countries (curriculum in five major global languages), representing over 200 denominations and mission agencies in 5 continents (& 5 languages). Steve is also an author, Professor of Practical Theology (since 1995) and the Director of the Doctoral program at Reformed Theological Seminary, in Orlando, Florida, where he teaches church planting, missions, evangelism and spiritual formation. To learn more about GCA:

Browse the GCA Website: http://www.gca.cc

Join the GCA Cause: http://bit.ly/X5bZC

See the GCA Blog: http://www.gca.cc/blog/

Follow GCA on Twitter: http://twitter.com/_gca

Follow Steve on Twitter: http://twitter.com/stevechilders

Check out upcoming GCA Events: http://gca.cc/Seminar_Overview.htm

Support GCA: http://gca.cc/Support_GCA.htm

This is the fifth in a series of blog posts called, “My Top Ten Mistakes in Ministry (That I Can Share Publicly.)” After many years of ministry experience as a church planter, pastor and seminary professor, I think I’ve finally learned that one of the best kept secrets to surviving well in the ministry is to stop making the same old mistakes that others (like me) have been making for decades. Instead, let’s all start making some brand new, bold, innovative and creative mistakes!

We began this series with an introduction called, “Ladies First” in which veteran church planter wife, Shari Thomas, addressed the tough topic, What I Wish I Had Known About Church Planting from the perspective of the church planter’s/pastor’s spouse. We then took a look at:

• Mistake #1 (these are in no intentional order) called, “Failing to Understand the Importance of How I Define Ministry Success.”
• Mistake #2 called, Managing My Time and Not Managing My Life
• Mistake #3: Not Understanding the Difference Between my Goals and Desires.
• Mistake #4: Not Understanding the Difference Between Pursing the Grace of God and the God of Grace.

This time we’ll take a brief look at another common mistake church leaders make that I wish someone had told me about before I went into the ministry.

Mistake #5: Not Understanding that the Way Up is the Way Down

One of the supreme glories of the Gospel is that it is primarily through weakness that God chooses to show His strength. And it’s through foolishness that God loves to manifest His wisdom. The Apostle Paul makes this abundantly clear when he writes,

“For consider your calling, brethren, that there were not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble; but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, and the base things of the world and the despised, God has chosen, the things that are not, that He might nullify the things that are, that no man should boast before God. (1Cor 1:26-29).

In their excellent book entitled Liberating Ministry From the Success Syndrome by Kent and Barbara Hughes (required reading for all church leaders!) they write, “To you who deem yourself unusually ordinary be encouraged: God must have liked ordinary people because he made so many of us!” I wish someone had told me years ago not to hold my weaknesses in disdain—but to know that God’s plan is to work through my foolishness and weakness so that He might manifest His wisdom and strength.

I also wish someone had explained to me more clearly that God’s kingdom is an upside down kingdom where “God is opposed to the proud but He gives grace to the humble.” and “Whoever exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted “and “When pride comes, then comes dishonor, But with the humble is wisdom.”

And I wish someone had helped me understand more deeply these profound words written by Oswald Chambers:

“God can achieve his purpose either through the absence of human power and resources, or the abandonment of reliance on them. All through history God has chosen and used nobodies, because their unusual dependence on him made possible the unique display of his power and grace. He chose and used somebodies only when they renounced dependence on their natural abilities and resources.”

To those of you who consider yourself unusually gifted (you know who you are!) this means you must be very careful not to trust in your strengths illegitimately. In fact, unless you humble yourself and renounce your dependence upon them, all your labor and even your fruit is apt to be in vain. It will all be burned away (see Hughes’ book for more details).

What are some of the ways we can know we’re at risk in this area?  In C. Peter Wagner’s book, Humility, he lists 5 Signposts Along the Road to Pride:

1) Yearning for Praise and Accolades
2) Keeping Score
3) Rejoicing in others failures
4) Resenting others successes
5) Compulsively defending yourself

The paradox of grace is that the way up is the way down. One of the reasons there is often such little display of God’s presence and power in many of our lives and ministries today is because of the unknown root sin of pride and self-reliance. The Bible teaches that God’s presence and power normally dwells in a humble and contrite heart. “But to this one I will look, to him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My Word” (Is 66:2).

With this truth in mind, I wish someone had made clear to me early in my ministry that coming to the cross of Jesus Christ is not meant by God to be just a one time thing for us (at conversion) but an ongoing process. The Apostle Paul wrote “…just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, so walk in Him” (Colossians 2:6). Coming to God in humility means learning to keep coming to Him in repentance and faith through the cross of Jesus Christ.

Paul wrote,  “May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world” (Galatians 6:14). As God progressively shows us our sin of pride we must learn the secret of coming in humility again and again and again to the cross of Jesus Christ for not only pardon but also for power to change.

It is only at the cross that the streams of God’s transforming grace will begin to flow into our lives. Like water, God’s grace and power always flows down to the lowest place. As you respond to this reminder, prayerfully meditate on the words of the nineteenth century hymn writer, Horatius Bonar,

“I heard the voice of Jesus say, “Behold, I freely give the living water. Thirsty one, stoop down and drink and live”.

——————————

Steve Childers is the President & CEO of Global Church Advancement, an inter-denominational ministry that provides church planting training, consultations, and resources for church planters, pastors and missionaries throughout the world. Steve has trained Christian leaders from more than 50 countries (curriculum in five major global languages), representing over 200 denominations and mission agencies in 5 continents (& 5 languages). Steve is also an author, Professor of Practical Theology (since 1995) and the Director of the Doctoral program at Reformed Theological Seminary, in Orlando, Florida, where he teaches church planting, missions, evangelism and spiritual formation. To learn more about GCA:

• Browse the GCA Website: http://www.gca.cc
• Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/GlobalChurchAdvancement
• See the GCA Blog: http://www.gca.cc/blog/
• Follow GCA on Twitter: http://twitter.com/_gca
• Follow Steve on Twitter: http://twitter.com/stevechilders
• Check out upcoming GCA Events: http://gca.cc/Seminar_Overview.htm
• Support GCA: http://gca.cc/Support_GCA.htm

Given at the Global Church Advancement North America Conference

I wish someone would have told us (Shari and her husband, John), that we both would need a support system greater than just each other…

…that we would need coaches and mentors, and we should plan at more than one stage in the journey on getting counseling….

…and when we didn’t have this support system it would be up to us to seek it out!

I would have greatly benefited knowing that we needed to come to a mutual understanding and commitment about what my involvement in the church plant would be…

…that pursuing and nurturing my gifts was as important as nurturing his.

And that we would often need to review this involvement through out the stages of church planting and seasons of life…

…that when the children were young, my husband and children would require and need most of my time.

I wish he’d known how much I would need his support in sticking to these commitments rather than both of us rescuing ministries and people when they floundered.

I longed for someone to gently come alongside me and remind me again and again that what my husband needs from me most is love and respect. 



He can find coaches, teachers, nags and critics in countless places. He already has one mother. And when it’s late at night and we are falling into bed that this is not the time or place to hear one more idea on how to make the church successful! 



But at the same time I also wished he’d known how very important it was for the two of us to have our weekly “staff” times to talk about how the church and family life intersected.

I was a part of the church planting team and needed to know about the plant, give my input and have a place on the team. I wish we had spoken more openly about this to our staff as they too needed to work through their understanding of my role on the church planting team.

If I had known that my heart as well as our kids would be hurt, angry, and almost torn in two by this ministry we might not have planted a church. 



….but we also may never have learned the delight and satisfaction of pointing each other to Jesus, to the hope that only the gospel brings, and the deep joy of leading others to this hope.

…if we hadn’t planted a church I don’t know if we would ever have known the joy of watching the people we had led to Christ then turn and point our hearts to Jesus during our dark hours.

We would have benefited from being told that the question “should we stay in this church?” will be one that will haunt us through out our ministry lives. 

I was not prepared for him rolling over in bed doubting his call.

I didn’t know we would question if God had brought us here…that when my husband’s passion and energy for the church plant was waxing, mine might be waning and vice versa. It would have been helpful to know this was normal.

I am thankful that someone told us we would have to work harder for a marriage where there is spiritual, emotional, and physical intimacy than we would have to work at planting the church…that this would involve sacrifice on both of our parts, and it would be well worth it. 



…that this would mean being honest about the damage we both do to one another and then seeking reconciliation to whatever point was needed for the sake of the other.

…that repentance involved not a simple “I’m sorry” but asking the other person to tell how we had harmed them and to listen without defending .

That it would mean doing this over and over in our marriage…that it would mean being willing to give up church planting, even leaving ministry for the sake of loving the other person.

I am glad my husband learned early on that church planting gave him great freedom to creatively mold his schedule to fit the needs of both his family and the church. 


I am grateful he takes time from church ministry to pour into the lives of our kids: working on school projects, creating feasts in the kitchen, taking vacations, catching the latest blockbuster, filling their lives with music, asking them the tough questions, drawing out their hearts, repenting openly before them…

…I love watching their eyes fill with pride when they introduce their friends to their dad. Nothing draws my heart to him more than that he loves our children so well. 



And at the same time when both he and I love our kids poorly, I really wish I had known that the Christian life and Church planting was not about working so hard to get it right, be right, and do right.

That it was not my job to perfect myself. That even learning the gospel was not another tool to add to my arsenal of how to live a better life. 

But it was church planting that finally brought me to the realization that I can’t change myself.

That it’s not about what others say about me. That Jesus has already said, “It is finished.”. That God’s verdict spoken over me comes before any of my performance, before I ever started on this journey of church planting…he delights in me already! 



If I had known this, I would have enjoyed life so much more. But the journey isn’t finished and I’m planning on joining the party more these days.

But I am most grateful that my husband keeps learning that no one can pursue, strongly lead and cherish me the way he can. 



…that when I’m withdrawn and discouraged, his gentle wooing speaks volumes

…when I’m masking deep hurt with anger, his strong, consistent pursuit melts me like nothing else 



…when darkness has masked Jesus face, I have felt another strong hand leading me home 



…and when it’s all said and done, and we are at The Great Marriage Feast I will recognize the tastes and sounds and smells. The dance will be vaguely familiar…

…for hints of the realm unknown have drifted across the border land.

…and I have caught glimpses of what is yet to come for so many of you, my friends, my church family, my kids and my husband have shown me the way.

 *Shari Thomas has been involved with her husband, John, in church planting for over 25 years both in North America and abroad. Shari serves on Mission to North America’s church planting staff as the Director of Parakaleo, a ministry primarily to church planting spouses. Shari and/or Tami Resch (also on staff with Parakaleo) lead the Women’s Forum (6 Sessions) at the North America GCA Conferences & Seminars. John is the director of global training for the Redeemer Church Planting Center in Manhattan, NYC. They have 3 children who amazingly still claim them as parents. They love sailing, only do legal drugs, and are known coffee snobs.