Archive for the ‘Greatest Mistakes’ Category

Calvin Rejects Privatized Faith and Promotes Vulnerability in Church Planting Networks :)

Sunday, July 18th, 2010

“In the church, as Calvin conceived it, every man helped every other man. If in Christ Jesus all believers are united, then a private believer is a contradiction in terms. Not only are the blessings and the virtues given for the common good, but the faults and the weaknesses concern the other members of the body. There was to be no hypocrisy of pretending to be other than a sinner, no dissembling or cloaking of sins; but, just as God is completely honest with men, and men must be honest with God, so also believer with believer must be courageously honest and open. The quarterly meeting was a little day of judgement when, flattery and convention laid aside, each man saw himself through the eyes of his fellows and, if he were wise, harboured no resentment but knew the uniquely joyful release of voluntary humiliation.”[1]

[1] Herman J. Selderhuis, John Calvin: A Pilgrim’s Life [Downers Grove: InterVarsity, 2009], 30.

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Mistake #5: Not Understanding that the Way Up is the Way Down

Friday, April 16th, 2010

“If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness.” 2 Corinthians 11:30 (ESV)

This is the fifth in a series of blog posts called, “My Top Ten Mistakes in Ministry (That I Can Share Publicly.)” After many years of ministry experience as a church planter, pastor and seminary professor, I think I’ve finally learned that one of the best kept secrets to surviving well in the ministry is to stop making the same old mistakes that others (like me) have been making for decades. Instead, let’s all start making some brand new, bold, innovative and creative mistakes!

We began this series with an introduction called, “Ladies First” in which veteran church planter wife, Shari Thomas, addressed the tough topic, What I Wish I Had Known About Church Planting from the perspective of the church planter’s/pastor’s spouse. We then took a look at:

This time we’ll take a brief look at another common mistake church leaders make that I wish someone had told me about before I went into the ministry.

Mistake #5: Not Understanding that the Way Up is the Way Down

One of the supreme glories of the Gospel is that it is primarily through weakness that God chooses to show His strength. And it’s through foolishness that God loves to manifest His wisdom. The Apostle Paul makes this abundantly clear when he writes,

“For consider your calling, brethren, that there were not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble; but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, and the base things of the world and the despised, God has chosen, the things that are not, that He might nullify the things that are, that no man should boast before God. (1Cor 1:26-29).

In their excellent book entitled Liberating Ministry From the Success Syndrome by Kent and Barbara Hughes (required reading for all church leaders!) they write, “To you who deem yourself unusually ordinary be encouraged: God must have liked ordinary people because he made so many of us!” I wish someone had told me years ago not to hold my weaknesses in disdain—but to know that God’s plan is to work through my foolishness and weakness so that He might manifest His wisdom and strength.

I also wish someone had explained to me more clearly that God’s kingdom is an upside down kingdom where “God is opposed to the proud but He gives grace to the humble.” and “Whoever exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted “and “When pride comes, then comes dishonor, But with the humble is wisdom.”

And I wish someone had helped me understand more deeply these profound words written by Oswald Chambers:

“God can achieve his purpose either through the absence of human power and resources, or the abandonment of reliance on them. All through history God has chosen and used nobodies, because their unusual dependence on him made possible the unique display of his power and grace. He chose and used somebodies only when they renounced dependence on their natural abilities and resources.”

To those of you who consider yourself unusually gifted (you know who you are!) this means you must be very careful not to trust in your strengths illegitimately. In fact, unless you humble yourself and renounce your dependence upon them, all your labor and even your fruit is apt to be in vain. It will all be burned away (see Hughes’ book for more details).

What are some of the ways we can know we’re at risk in this area?  In C. Peter Wagner’s book, Humility, he lists 5 Signposts Along the Road to Pride:

1) Yearning for Praise and Accolades
2) Keeping Score
3) Rejoicing in others failures
4) Resenting others successes
5) Compulsively defending yourself

The paradox of grace is that the way up is the way down. One of the reasons there is often such little display of God’s presence and power in many of our lives and ministries today is because of the unknown root sin of pride and self-reliance. The Bible teaches that God’s presence and power normally dwells in a humble and contrite heart. “But to this one I will look, to him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My Word” (Is 66:2).

With this truth in mind, I wish someone had made clear to me early in my ministry that coming to the cross of Jesus Christ is not meant by God to be just a one time thing for us (at conversion) but an ongoing process. The Apostle Paul wrote “…just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, so walk in Him” (Colossians 2:6). Coming to God in humility means learning to keep coming to Him in repentance and faith through the cross of Jesus Christ.

Paul wrote,  “May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world” (Galatians 6:14). As God progressively shows us our sin of pride we must learn the secret of coming in humility again and again and again to the cross of Jesus Christ for not only pardon but also for power to change.

It is only at the cross that the streams of God’s transforming grace will begin to flow into our lives. Like water, God’s grace and power always flows down to the lowest place. As you respond to this reminder, prayerfully meditate on the words of the nineteenth century hymn writer, Horatius Bonar,

“I heard the voice of Jesus say, “Behold, I freely give the living water. Thirsty one, stoop down and drink and live”.

——————————

Childers

Steve Childers is the President & CEO of Global Church Advancement, an inter-denominational ministry that provides church planting training, consultations, and resources for church planters, pastors and missionaries throughout the world. Steve has trained Christian leaders from more than 50 countries (curriculum in five major global languages), representing over 200 denominations and mission agencies in 5 continents (& 5 languages). Steve is also an author, Professor of Practical Theology (since 1995) and the Director of the Doctoral program at Reformed Theological Seminary, in Orlando, Florida, where he teaches church planting, missions, evangelism and spiritual formation. To learn more about GCA:

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Mistake #4: Not Understanding the Difference Between Pursuing the Grace of God or the God of Grace

Thursday, February 4th, 2010

“If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness.” 2 Corinthians 11:30 (ESV)

This is the fifth in a series of blog posts called, “My Top Ten Mistakes in Ministry (That I Can Share Publicly.)” After many years of ministry experience as a church planter, pastor and seminary professor, I think I’ve finally learned that one of the best kept secrets to surviving well in the ministry is to stop making the same old mistakes that others (like me) have been making for decades. Instead, let’s all start making some brand new, bold, innovative and creative mistakes!

We began this series with an introduction called, “Ladies First” in which veteran church planter wife, Shari Thomas, addressed the tough topic, What I Wish I Had Known About Church Planting from the perspective of the church planter’s/pastor’s spouse. We then took a look at:

This time we’ll take a brief look at another common mistake church leaders make that I wish someone had told me about before I went into the ministry.

Mistake #4: Not Understanding the Difference Between Pursing the Grace of God and the God of Grace.

John Piper’s words still seem to be ringing in my ears after all these years: “Is God a means of grace in your life and ministry or is grace a means to God?” No one had ever asked me that kind of question before. In fact, it took me a while to even figure out what the question meant.

But when I finally understood it, I found myself wishing someone had dared to ask me that kind of penetrating, potentially life-changing question many years ago. Let me try to expound on this idea briefly.

The Ultimate Quest of Your Life & Ministry

In John 17:3 Jesus said, “And this is eternal life, that they may know Thee, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom Thou hast sent.” Here we are meant to learn that God’s goal for our lives is not merely to serve him in faithful ministry but primarily to know him, to love him, to glorify him and enjoy him.

Think of this question again: “Is God made a means to grace in your ministry or is grace made a means to God?” To put the question differently, “Does the quest of your life and the passion of your ministry terminate on God? Knowing Him? Enjoying Him? Glorifying Him?

Or is God brought in beside all your planning, techniques and ministry strategies in hope that he might somehow be the means of a great outpouring of grace on your ministry and in your life?  The big idea here is that it makes a tremendous difference whether the ultimate quest of your life and ministry is the grace of God or the God of grace.

Using God to Solve Your Problems or Using Your Problems to Find God?

One of the most fundamental questions is whether you will place God or yourself at the center of your ministry. The practical benefits of a God-centered focus in life and ministry are far-reaching. Author Larry Crabb makes the point that a leader with this perspective stops trying to “use God to solve his problems”. Instead such a leader learns how to “use his problems to find God”.

A very common problem among church planters, missionaries, and pastors, is that we begin to see ourselves primarily as servants of God or soldiers of God. Unknowingly, over time, our view of God becomes primarily that of a Master or a Commander-in-Chief. And those pictures of God are biblical and true, but there is so much more to a truly biblical view of God.

In John 15 Jesus said, “You are my friends.” There is a sense in which that’s richer than merely being a slave or a soldier.  Then in 1John 3:1 we read these astonishing words, “See how great a love the Father has bestowed upon us, that we should be called children of God.”

Stop and think about this: more than being a “friend” of Christ, because you are now “in Christ” you are also considered by God to be His child—one who is now loved with the highest of all loves, a love previously reserved by the eternal Father for His one and only Son! There is no stronger love in all the cosmos (Eph 3:14-20).

In Ephesians 5 we see another graphic picture of a bride and a bridegroom—the picture of intimate lovers. As a church leader never allow the imagery of what has been called the “John 3:16 of the Old Testament” to leave your mind and heart: “The LORD your God is in your midst, a victorious warrior. He will exult over you with joy. He will be quiet in His love. He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy” (Zeph 3:17).  Here we have the Commander-in-Chief (the Victorious Warrior) rejoicing over you as His child with shouts of joy.

The Lord is our Commander-in-Chief, and we are called to be “good soldiers of Jesus Christ”, putting on and utilizing all the spiritual armor (Eph. 6) that is now ours in Christ.  He is also our Master and we are called to be His “servants” availing ourselves of all of His means of grace so we might be called “faithful” at the end of this race. But we must never forget He is also our Friend, our Father and our Lover (and so much more).

The reason having a proper view of God is so critically important in your life and ministry is because it is so easy to be unknowingly:

  • Pursuing the Kingdom and not the King
  • Pursuing the Truth of God and not the God of Truth
  • Using God to solve your problems rather than using your problems to find God.

In other words, if you are not consciously fighting against it, you are at risk of falling prey to pursing the grace of God and not the God of grace.

Just before his death, Dr. Bill Bright, the founder of Campus Crusade spoke at Reformed Seminary in Orlando, Florida, where I’m on faculty (along with Steve Brown). He had a terminal respiratory disease. Many of us were told he might not live long enough to speak in chapel on the date he had been scheduled. So I’ll never forget watching this man of God being helped into the seminary chapel in a wheel chair with a oxygen tubes hooked under his nose. Here was without question one of the greatest visionary leaders of our generation. And he had come to preach to us as “a dying man to dying men”.

I found fascinating that the focus of his final message that morning was not on the importance of capturing a vision for reaching the world for Christ. That’s what I was expecting. But it was, to my surprise, a powerful message on the importance of capturing a vision for God in the fullness of all His attributes.

I’ll never forget Dr. Bright’s final challenge to us that day—to see God not merely as useful but instead to learn to see God primarily as beautiful.  It was just another way of saying, “Don’t merely pursue the grace of God. Pursue the God of grace”. I hope this helps you in that life-long process.

Steve Childers is the President & CEO of Global Church Advancement, an inter-denominational ministry that provides church planting training, consultations, and resources for church planters, pastors and missionaries throughout the world. Steve has trained Christian leaders from more than 50 countries (curriculum in five major global languages), representing over 200 denominations and mission agencies in 5 continents (& 5 languages). Steve is also an author, Professor of Practical Theology (since 1995) and the Director of the Doctoral program at Reformed Theological Seminary, in Orlando, Florida, where he teaches church planting, missions, evangelism and spiritual formation. To learn more about GCA:

http://www.facebook.com/GlobalChurchAdvancement

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My Top Ten Mistakes In Ministry–That I Can Share Publicly: Mistake # 2

Sunday, November 15th, 2009

“If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness.” 2 Corinthians 11:30 (ESV)

Man Sorry for MistakesThis is the third in a series of blog posts called, “My Top Ten Mistakes in Ministry (That I Can Share Publicly)” After many years of ministry experience as a church planter, pastor and seminary professor I think I’ve finally learned that one of the best kept secrets to surviving well in the ministry is to stop making the same old mistakes that others (like me) have been making for decades. Instead, let’s all start making some brand new, bold, innovative and creative mistakes!

We began this series with an introduction called, “Ladies First” in which veteran church planter wife, Shari Thomas, addressed the tough topic, “What I Wish I Had Known About Church Planting” from the perspective of the church planter’s/pastor’s spouse. Last time we looked at Mistake #1 called, “Failing to Understand the Importance of How I Define Ministry Success.” This time we’ll take a brief look at Mistake #2 (these are in no intentional order) I wish someone had the wisdom and guts to tell me before I began church planting/pastoral ministry more than 30 years ago.

Mistake #2: Managing My Time And Not My Life

clock-headIn his classic article, “Tyranny of the Urgent”, Charles Hummel writes, “‘Have you ever wished for a thirty-hour day?’ Surely this extra time would relieve the tremendous pressure under which we live. Our lives leave a trail of unfinished tasks. Unanswered emails, unvisited friends, unread books and articles, etc., haunt quiet moments when we stop to evaluate. We desperately need relief.

But would a thirty-hour day really solve the problem? Wouldn’t we soon be just as frustrated as we are now with our twenty-four allotment? “A mother’s work is never done”, and neither is that of . . . any pastor. Nor will the passage of time help us catch up. Children grow in number and age to require more of our time. Greater experience and success in life and ministry normally bring more exacting assignments. So we find ourselves working more and enjoying it less.”

Our problem is often, unknowingly, allowing the urgent things in life to crowd out the truly important things. We all live in a constant tension between the urgent and the important.

The Gap Between the Compass and the Clock

There is an ongoing contrast between two things that continually influence our lives: the clock and the compass. Stephen Covey, in his book, First Things First, describes the clock as representing such things as our commitments, appointments,compassschedules, goals, activities; it’s how we use and manage our time. The compass represents our core life values, our conscience, our sense of personal vision and life mission; it’s what we believe is truly important in life and how we manage life.

The struggle comes when we experience a gap between the compass and the clock–when what we actually do with our time doesn’t contribute to what is truly most important in our life. In an effort to close the gap between the compass and the clock, many of us naturally turn to the field of “personal time management.” Traditional time management theory suggests that by doing things more efficiently, you’ll eventually gain control of your life and that increased control will bring personal peace and fulfillment.

Although there is much to gain from such things as planning, prioritizing and goal setting, the bottom line is that mere increased efficiency normally does not lessen the gap between the compass and the clock. In fact, I was a living example of someone who had learned how to get a lot more work done in less time, but what I was actually doing with my time was not at all what truly matters to me the most. This is why I wish someone had asked questions and said things to me like:

“How many pastors on their deathbed wish they had spent more time at the church?”

“The worst enemy of the best is often the good.”

The Answer is Not Learning to Get More Done in Less Time

The gap between what is deeply important to you (your compass) and the way you spend your time (your clock) cannot be closedTime_Management_Techniquesby simply learning to do more things more efficiently. The answer is not found in learning to get more things done in less time. In fact, increasing your time management efficiency can actually make things worse! What is needed is a new way of thinking—learning how to manage your life and not just your time, and learning how to shift your focus away from things that are urgent to the things that are trulyimportant.

Often, unless we take intentional, proactive steps to fight against it, we’ll inevitably become slaves to the “tyranny of the urgent”.  It’s been said that, “Anything less than a conscious commitment to the important is an unconscious commitment to the unimportant.”

In Isaiah 30:15 we read, “For thus the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, has said, ‘In repentance and rest you shall be saved, In quietness and trust is your strength.’” At the root of our frantic propensity to overwork is the sin of pride—an exalted sense of our importance to the Kingdom of God. We secretly and arrogantly think things like: “If I dare to stop, the Kingdom of God just might not make it and my ministry would surely self-destruct!”

Some of us need to show our faith in God not by working harder but by working less!

Some of us have been hitting it too hard for too long, and we desperately need extended time to rest. For some it might be 6 months for others it might be 6 weeks, or maybe 6 days. For some of us the most spiritual thing we could do now is to go home and go to bed and sleep!

A seasoned missionary in Peru came up to me at a conference once to tell me that in all his years in the ministry, he has learned that there are two types of missionaries in Peru—those who take siestas (naps) every day and those who leave the field. He said, “If you don’t learn to take your siesta on your first term, you normally will not be back for your second term.”

Not Just Starting Well . . . But Finishing Well

It’s one thing to start ministry well. It’s another to finish well. We must remember (and keep reminding each other) that the ministry is not a sprint, but it’s a cross-country event. So we must pace ourselves. We must build into our lives a Sabbath Rhythm of work and rest, work and rest—daily, weekly, quarterly, yearly.

The Scriptures tell us, “When Jesus saw the crowd around him, he instructed his disciples to cross to the other side of the lake” (Matt 8:18). Jesus knew when it was time for him and his followers to pull away from the pressing demands of ministry. My prayer for you and for me is that we will too, before it’s too late.

Steve Childers is the President & CEO of Global Church Advancement, an inter-denominational ministry that provides Steve-Childers-Bio-Photochurch planting training, consultations, and resources for church planters, pastors and missionaries throughout the world. Steve has trained Christian leaders from more than 50 countries (curriculum in five major global languages) representing over 200 denominations and mission agencies. Steve is also an author, Professor of Practical Theology (since 1995) and the Director of the Doctoral program atReformed Theological Seminary, in Orlando, Florida, where he teaches church planting, missions, evangelism and spiritual formation.

To learn more about GCA:

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My Top Ten Mistakes In Ministry (That I Can Share Publicly) #1

Monday, October 12th, 2009

Pooped Pastor Picture

This is the second in a series of blog posts I’m calling, “My Top Ten Mistakes in Ministry (That I Can Share Publicly!). After decades of ministry experience as a church planter, pastor and seminary professor I’ve learned the hard way that most church leaders seem to keep making the same mistakes in ministry. I hope that this series will help some church leaders (including me) stop making the same old mistakes and at least start making some brand new, innovative and creative mistakes!

Last time we began this series with an introduction called, “Ladies First” in which veteran church planter wife Shari Thomas answered the tough question, “What I Wish I Had Known About Church Planting” from the perspective of the church pastor’s spouse. This time we’ll take a brief look at the first of my top ten ministry mistakes.

Mistake #1: Failing to Understand the Importance of How I Define Ministry Success

First, I wish someone had told me how critically important it is to have a biblical view of success in the ministry. I wish someone had the wisdom and guts to have taken me aside, before I went into pastoral ministry, and say something like this: “Do you know that you have a definition of what it means to be successful in ministry and that definition is probably very wrong and dangerous?” I wish someone had explained to me how my definition of ministry success had the potential power of either destroying my ministry and life or deeply enriching it.  But no one said that to me. So I had to learn this lesson the old-fashioned way–by failing.

By anyone’s standards the disciples’ ministry, described in Luke 10, seemed to be a raging success. You know the story. Jesus sent them out “two by two” and commissioned them to heal the sick and proclaim the Good News of the Kingdom. As they spoke in Jesus’ name and ministered to the people, God’s power fell on them in an astonishing way. They were not only surprised but also thrilled and elated. Luke 10:17 tells us, “And the seventy returned with joy, saying, ‘Lord, even the demons are subject to us in Your name.’” Their enthusiasm was obvious. God was mightily at work through their lives doing great signs and wonders, just like they had seen done earlier by Jesus.

So the disciples rejoiced. And why shouldn’t they? Even the demons were subject to them, just as they had been to Jesus. But right in the midst of all their elation and rejoicing at how God was working so powerfully in and through them, Jesus spoke these sobering words. He said, “Nevertheless do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rejoice that your names are recorded in heaven”(Luke 10:20).

Here Jesus makes clear to his disciples what I wish someone had made clear to me many years ago–that their source of joy in ministry must not be found in what they do for Him but in who they are in Him. Jesus knew that there would soon come a time in all of their ministries when there would no longer be great signs and wonders to encourage them. Instead, there would be great hardships, trials, persecution, and even death for serving in His name. Jesus knew there were times before them when they would feel much more in subjection to the demons rather than the demons being in subjection to them.

At such times Jesus does not want his followers (then or now) to be robbed of joy, so he taught them to find their true source of joy in something other than what most would call “ministry success.” Instead, Jesus wants His followers, even in the face of what many would call ministry failure, to be the kind of people who learn to find deep-seated joy in their knowledge of the Good News of the God’s radical love for them in Christ, (i.e. that “their names are recorded in heaven”.)

In the often difficult and faith-testing trenches of real life ministry (not the unrealistic, Pollyannaish and triumphalistic pictures of ministry often painted by others) it is extremely easy and very normal for church leaders to become discouraged and depressed. Thousands have left the ministry over the years convinced they are failures because of their lack of what many would call ministry success. One of the downsides of my ministry is that I’m sometimes called in to help when church planters and church plants crash and burn. Often these church planters don’t just leave the ministry-they leave the Faith. And every time, without exception, I have discovered deeply lodged in their broken hearts an unbiblical definition of ministry success.

According to Scripture, success before God should be measured primarily in terms of faithfulness to Him. Success has been defined well by Ken and Barbara Hughes, in their excellent book Liberating Ministry from the Success Syndrome, as “faithfully pleasing God with the resources and responsibilities that He has given you.” The authors make the point that in the Parable of the Talents (Matt. 25:14-30)  Jesus rewarded each faithful man the same—even though one was actually given more than the other and even though one actually produced more than the other.

The main point in this book is not to denigrate the value and necessity of things like thoughtful planning and hard work in the ministry. And the authors are not advocating spiritual pacifism in the name of faith. Instead, they are making a solid case for a biblical view of success that is radically different from the world’s view. It is primarily qualitative not merely quantitative. Its emphasis is more on things like faithfulness, humility, love and relationships than on measurable, objective accomplishments and achievements in the ministry.

God’s Kingdom is an upside-down Kingdom. The Apostle James wrote, “God is opposed to the proud but He gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6). Through the prophet Isaiah the Lord said, “But to this one I will look, to him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word” (Isaiah 66:2). One of the supreme glories of the Gospel is that it is primarily through weakness that God has chosen to show his strength. This is why the Puritans used to say, “God’s grace, like water always flows to the lowest place, the sinner’s place–the foot of the cross.”

Paul writes,  “For consider your calling, brethren, that there were not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble; but God has chosen the foolish things of  the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of  the world to shame the things which are strong, and the base things of athe world and the despised, God has chosen, the things that are not, that He might nullify the things that are, that no man should boast before God”(1 Cor 1:26-29).

If you are like most of us in the ministry today your definition of success is naturally prone to be primarily quantitative not qualitative. Its emphasis is on measurable, objective accomplishments and achievements–things like ”nickels and noses” (church finances & attendance), making a “Kingdom impact”, attaining prestige, power and resources. Without realizing it your  sense of personal worth and identity is inordinately and frighteningly deeply rooted in these things–not in the Good News that “your name is recorded in heaven.”

Oswald Chamber wrote, “God can achieve his purpose either through the absence of human power and resources, or the abandonment of reliance on them. All through history God has chosen and used nobodies, because their unusual dependence on him made possible the unique display of his power and grace. He chose and used somebodies only when they renounced dependence on their natural abilities and resources.”

Never forget that your source of joy in the ministry must not be rooted in what you do for Him but in who you are in Him. That’s because there will inevitably come a time in your ministry when you will no longer have all the quantitative accomplishments, power and resources in which you are now illegitimately (and probably unknowingly) finding your true sense of worth and joy. “Do not rejoice in this…but rejoice that your names are recorded in heaven” (Luke 10:20).

Instead, learn to find your true sense of personal worth and joy in the Good News of God’s radical love for you in Christ. Define your success in ministry as “faithfully pleasing God with the resources and responsibilities that He has given you.” Make the primary focus of your ministry things like faithfulness, humility, love and relationships. Then leave the results of your ministry to God.  Failing to understand the importance of how to define ministry success has been one of my top ten greatest mistakes in ministry–that I can share publicly. This failure has cost me greatly. I pray that you will not keep making this same mistake.

Steve Childers is the President & CEO of Global Church Advancement, an inter-denominational ministry that provides church planting training, consultations, and resources for church planters, pastors and missionaries throughout the world. Steve has trained Christian leaders from more than 40 countries (curriculum in five major languages) representing over 300 denominations and mission agencies. Steve is also an author, Professor of Practical Theology (since 1995) and the director of the doctoral program at Reformed Theological Seminary, in Orlando, Florida, where he teaches church planting, missions, evangelism and spiritual formation.

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Planter Spouse Looks Back: What I Wish I’d Known About Church Planting! by Shari Thomas*

Saturday, August 22nd, 2009

Shari-Thomas-Photo

Given at the Global Church Advancement North America Conference

I wish someone would have told us (Shari and her husband, John), that we both would need a support system greater than just each other…

…that we would need coaches and mentors, and we should plan at more than one stage in the journey on getting counseling….

…and when we didn’t have this support system it would be up to us to seek it out!

I would have greatly benefited knowing that we needed to come to a mutual understanding and commitment about what my involvement in the church plant would be…

…that pursuing and nurturing my gifts was as important as nurturing his.

And that we would often need to review this involvement through out the stages of church planting and seasons of life…

…that when the children were young, my husband and children would require and need most of my time.

I wish he’d known how much I would need his support in sticking to these commitments rather than both of us rescuing ministries and people when they floundered.

I longed for someone to gently come alongside me and remind me again and again that what my husband needs from me most is love and respect. 



He can find coaches, teachers, nags and critics in countless places. He already has one mother. And when it’s late at night and we are falling into bed that this is not the time or place to hear one more idea on how to make the church successful! 



But at the same time I also wished he’d known how very important it was for the two of us to have our weekly “staff” times to talk about how the church and family life intersected.

I was a part of the church planting team and needed to know about the plant, give my input and have a place on the team. I wish we had spoken more openly about this to our staff as they too needed to work through their understanding of my role on the church planting team.

If I had known that my heart as well as our kids would be hurt, angry, and almost torn in two by this ministry we might not have planted a church. 



….but we also may never have learned the delight and satisfaction of pointing each other to Jesus, to the hope that only the gospel brings, and the deep joy of leading others to this hope.

…if we hadn’t planted a church I don’t know if we would ever have known the joy of watching the people we had led to Christ then turn and point our hearts to Jesus during our dark hours.

We would have benefited from being told that the question “should we stay in this church?” will be one that will haunt us through out our ministry lives. 

I was not prepared for him rolling over in bed doubting his call.

I didn’t know we would question if God had brought us here…that when my husband’s passion and energy for the church plant was waxing, mine might be waning and vice versa. It would have been helpful to know this was normal.

I am thankful that someone told us we would have to work harder for a marriage where there is spiritual, emotional, and physical intimacy than we would have to work at planting the church…that this would involve sacrifice on both of our parts, and it would be well worth it. 



…that this would mean being honest about the damage we both do to one another and then seeking reconciliation to whatever point was needed for the sake of the other.

…that repentance involved not a simple “I’m sorry” but asking the other person to tell how we had harmed them and to listen without defending .

That it would mean doing this over and over in our marriage…that it would mean being willing to give up church planting, even leaving ministry for the sake of loving the other person.

I am glad my husband learned early on that church planting gave him great freedom to creatively mold his schedule to fit the needs of both his family and the church. 


I am grateful he takes time from church ministry to pour into the lives of our kids: working on school projects, creating feasts in the kitchen, taking vacations, catching the latest blockbuster, filling their lives with music, asking them the tough questions, drawing out their hearts, repenting openly before them…

…I love watching their eyes fill with pride when they introduce their friends to their dad. Nothing draws my heart to him more than that he loves our children so well. 



And at the same time when both he and I love our kids poorly, I really wish I had known that the Christian life and Church planting was not about working so hard to get it right, be right, and do right.

That it was not my job to perfect myself. That even learning the gospel was not another tool to add to my arsenal of how to live a better life. 

But it was church planting that finally brought me to the realization that I can’t change myself.

That it’s not about what others say about me. That Jesus has already said, “It is finished.”. That God’s verdict spoken over me comes before any of my performance, before I ever started on this journey of church planting…he delights in me already! 



If I had known this, I would have enjoyed life so much more. But the journey isn’t finished and I’m planning on joining the party more these days.

But I am most grateful that my husband keeps learning that no one can pursue, strongly lead and cherish me the way he can. 



…that when I’m withdrawn and discouraged, his gentle wooing speaks volumes

…when I’m masking deep hurt with anger, his strong, consistent pursuit melts me like nothing else 



…when darkness has masked Jesus face, I have felt another strong hand leading me home 



…and when it’s all said and done, and we are at The Great Marriage Feast I will recognize the tastes and sounds and smells. The dance will be vaguely familiar…

…for hints of the realm unknown have drifted across the border land.

…and I have caught glimpses of what is yet to come for so many of you, my friends, my church family, my kids and my husband have shown me the way.

 *Shari Thomas has been involved with her husband, John, in church planting for over 25 years both in North America and abroad. Shari serves on Mission to North America’s church planting staff as the Director of Parakaleo, a ministry primarily to church planting spouses. Shari and/or Tami Resch (also on staff with Parakaleo) lead the Women’s Forum (6 Sessions) at the North America GCA Conferences & Seminars. John is the director of global training for the Redeemer Church Planting Center in Manhattan, NYC. They have 3 children who amazingly still claim them as parents. They love sailing, only do legal drugs, and are known coffee snobs.

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